So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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