o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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