I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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