Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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