So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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