And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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