I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
