question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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