It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Everyone says I win the strip club
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize