Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
