I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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