hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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