can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
