I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize