she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
not ubering you a puppy
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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