I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
