I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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