Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
