Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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