oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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