apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Randomize
