what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
