Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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