I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
