Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
