Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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