my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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