I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
