90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Don't EVER smell your tampon
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
