it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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