Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
