My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
