But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
