i was born a porn star she said
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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