Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
