i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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