Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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