check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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