You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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