Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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