we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
All I want is dick and wine.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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