The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
