My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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