I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
