Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
