now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
