Whod you bang
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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