goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he fucked my hip out of place.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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