you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
