I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i've created a new STD.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
