They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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