I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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