Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
