I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
