didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
