Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
