i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
