loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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