I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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