his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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