wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
