i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
