I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
