He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
