Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
