Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
